Where Are You Avoiding Intimacy In Your Life?
I want to talk about intimacy so you can experience more of it in your life.
Because you deserve it, and it's a perfectly human desire and need.
In my latest podcast episode, I talk about gender, intimacy, and being vulnerable.
In this blog post, I want to talk about where you might be avoiding intimacy in your life, and how you can change that so you can experience the intimacy you deserve.
Intimacy is a need for:
having and expressing our feelings in healthy ways
Intimacy is a human need.
We need connection with each other.
We need to feel close with one another.
We need to be able to have our feelings, feel them, and express them in ways that are healthy.
But, even though we need intimacy, we tend to create barriers to having the intimacy we want.
We avoid it because we don't feel:
worthy, deserving, lovable, valuable, good enough, and and....
Or, we feel shame, fear of judgment or rejection.
We might believe or feel some of these things, which create barriers to avoiding intimacy.
Because it's what we've been taught to do or because we don't know how to have intimacy.
So, we continue to avoid it and push it away.
When we label and judge others, we are creating a barrier to intimacy.
When we judge or shame ourselves, we are creating a barrier to experience deeper intimacy with ourselves.
When we live in resentment or anger, we are avoiding intimacy.
Where are you avoiding intimacy in your life, in your relationships?
Are you holding onto resentment or anger?
It’s hard to feel close and connected with ourselves and with others when we don’t give ourselves space to feel our feelings, take responsibility for our feelings and express them in healthy ways.
The good news is that we CAN cultivate the skills to experience more intimacy anytime we want.
It begins with being honest with ourselves and being vulnerable.
Getting good at feeling our feelings.
It’s a practice.
Are you afraid to make the first move of being open with your partner or friend or family member?
Are you afraid to feel all that you're really feeling?
Are there conversations you’re avoiding because you’re afraid of intimacy?
Are there feelings you’re avoiding feeling because you’re afraid of intimacy?
What are you afraid of?
Feel the courage to open.
Open up to yourself. Trust yourself to hold space for your emotions.
Open up to others and trust yourself to hold you no matter how the other person responds.
We must open if we want intimacy.
Open honestly and gently....
This is part of experiencing deeper intimacy with ourselves.
And will lead to greater intimacy with others.
I invite you to open a little and come a little closer to yourself.
What barriers to intimacy are you creating?
Can you pin point why?
What’s underneath the avoidance and barrier?
Do you feel afraid, hurt, angry....?
What's causing you to feel fear, hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc....?
What are you telling yourself that is causing these feelings? What are you choosing to believe that is preventing more intimacy?
Maybe it's an internalized belief from oppression, childhood, or from something someone said to you that you latched onto
about your worth, body, desirability, or what you deserve ....
Investigate the beliefs you have taken on about yourself and about others that are preventing you from experiencing deeper intimacy right now.
Decide whether these beliefs are serving you or not. If they are, then let them stay. Stay in your feelings and be with whatever you need to be with. Maybe there’s something more for you to experience here and learn.
If these beliefs aren't serving you and you want to adopt new ones that will serve you better, then begin the process of letting them go and see how it feels.
Choosing more freeing beliefs and learning how to embody them on an everyday level requires practice and commitment.
But, it's doable, love. You have the power to believe what you want to believe, feel what you want to feel, and experience deeper intimacy.
Deeper intimacy with yourself and with others.
Your true self knows you deserve it.