What CEOs, Bosses & Leaders Can Benefit From Coaching

Coaching is the deeper work of consulting...

You might come to consulting because you want to learn how to do things the "right way", say the "right things", use the "right language", so on and so forth. 

But, here's the thing, it's not about the "right" thing or way of bringing about change.

Yes, there's always new language to learn and unlearn, there are always new ways of relating, thinking and doing in the world that seem more freeing, but it's not about getting it "right." 

Getting it "right" is missing the point and is falling into the perfectionism trap, which I talk about in my FREE GUIDE TO GETTING FREE FROM THESE PATRIARCHAL BELIEFS

There is no one "right" way of doing things or saying things. Language is always evolving. Our thinking and doing is always evolving. That is, if we are committed to learning and growth. 

It's about your commitment to growth. And, this is where coaching comes in. Your personal growth is just as important as the change you want to create in the world. In fact, they're interconnected. 

You cannot truly enact change in the world if you don’t self-reflect, go inward and do your own inner healing.

You cannot truly enact change in the world without investigating your own beliefs, hearts, and unpack the oppression you have internalized that impact your everyday lives. The oppression that impacts how you show up in the world and how you treat other people.

When you look at our own mind and connect to your own body, you are better equipped to deal with the environments and world around you. You have greater skills and tools to integrate into your larger vision for the future. For the kind of change you want to bring about in the world.

Because you're doing the inner work. You're experiencing more freedom in your own mind, heart and body. Freedom is an inside AND outside experience and creation.

The more you free your own mind from oppressive thoughts, get good at feeling your feelings, and feel free in your own body, the better you will be able to create freedom in the world. 

Everyone benefits from doing the inner work. I do believe everyone could benefit from a life coach (even those of us who already are life coaches).

Having someone’s guidance along your path can feel like the amazing support that you need and also the gentle push to help you move outside your comfort zone so you can dream bigger and live the next level of your life.

Because this is what you’re meant for, as a visionary-someone who cares deeply about the state of the world, oppression and injustice and who wants to be a part of creating a more freeing future for all.

You need the best support having your back and helping you grow to the next level. This makes you and your work more powerful. You are worth it.

Say yes to yourself and your own personal growth. This is what the world needs just as much. 


P.S. Want to live the next level and show up more powerfully? I invite you to sign up for a FREE 20 Min Coaching Session with me where we'll go over your goals and desires, identify any barriers to break through, and you'll leave with at least one action to take towards your desires and vision. Just click below to schedule your free call!

5 Tips On Moving Outside Your Comfort Zone


If you want to show up more powerfully, create powerful change and grow, you can't stay in your comfort zone. Growth is never comfortable, but it is worth it. You are worth it. 

It was two years ago when I set out on my nomadic journey. My first inspiration to be a nomad came from one of my best friends, Jaden.

A few years prior to my journey, I watched Jaden leave her corporate job and apartment, buy a Sprinter van with her partner, Ralph, pack it up and hit road for indefinitely! They constantly inspired me with their travels as Jaden would write me often. I was thrilled for her and knew that it was something I wanted to do, but I couldn’t even imagine it for myself yet.

About six months before I became a nomad, I met a woman who housesitted full time and that was how she lived. I felt myself light up hearing more about her life. I never knew someone could do that! The nomad life sounded amazing but I still wasn’t thinking of actually doing it.

However, I knew that the Bay Area was wearing on me and I would often fantasize about leaving and living a new life somewhere else. My soul was hungering for a change. 


The hunger grew and grew to a point that I could no longer ignore.

So, I signed up for a session with a life coach, told her about my desire to move and that I was feeling scared out of my mind. Scared of leaving my friends and moving outside of my comfort zone. Scared of the magic that I could experience on the other side. The life coach I talked to told me that if I’m feeling stuck (which I was in more ways than one), that a move could be just what I need.

After our session, I felt so much lighter getting this hunger to move off my chest. She was the first person I told about my desire to move, and this allowed me to still feel my fear but take action anyway.

When I gave myself permission to have my secret desires and talk about my fear, the fear decreased and it’s power didn’t have a hold on me anymore.

This allowed me to truly feel my desire to move, to give my desire the spaciousness that it was begging for. Feeling more into my desire gave me the excitement and motivation I needed.

One month after that call with the life coach, I moved away from the Bay Area and began a deeper journey of listening to my intuition. I thought I was moving to LA, but my intuition strongly nudged me to live nomadically, and I listened.

I was scared, scared of the unknown, scared I couldn’t do it, didn’t have enough money, didn’t have a plan, so on and so forth but I kept feeling my intuition tell me that is right. I trusted. I trusted my intuition and the unknown even when I was scared and felt like I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

I thought I needed to have a certain number in my bank account or an opportunity lined up before I could make this decision but I realized that if I was waiting on some external thing to propell me forward that I might never leave. I needed to take the action and see what flowed from there.

It was the taking the action part that allowed for other things to come in, but I had to take that leap of faith and jump into the unknown. And I did it headfirst.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but what I KNEW, what I felt in my bones and every part of my body was NOT to settle down. I thought, wow, is this my time to finally live nomadically? 

My inner wisdom told me YES. I still didn’t know how but I knew I had to trust that my intuition was leading me in the right direction.

I kept listening and following that inner feeling and things flowed. 

I didn’t live the way I thought I would live necessarily but I found various opportunities to support my nomadic life. Friends were generous wanting me to stay with them, friends needed housesitting, friends of friends wanted me to housesit for them, I hopped on a few housesitting websites and housesitted for wonderful strangers. Sometimes, I stayed in airbnbs with generous hosts that would let me stay longer and pay them cash. Sometimes, I stayed at beautiful airbnbs for great deals.

I also had the opportunity to spend more time with my parents, and mom and I got to hang out more (which is one of my favorite things) strengthening our relationship. This is something I couldn’t do when I had a static home and job because I had rent to pay and clients to see in-person. I couldn’t be away for that long.

A whole new world has opened up to me since getting outside of my comfort zone to take action on something I REALLY wanted.

Whatever your desire is that you’re feeling scared shitless about is valid. And it’s so worth taking action on because you are worth living your dreams.

What do YOU want that requires you to get outside of your comfort zone?

Maybe it’s move to a different location or take that trip you’ve always wanted

Maybe it's to leave a relationship that isn’t serving you or ask someone you’re crushing on on a date.

Maybe it's leaving your day job or change your career entirely or level up in your business.

Maybe it's experiencing more intimacy and pleasure in your relationship.

Maybe it's learning how to set the right boundaries for yourself.

Whatever your desire is, it's important. 

And, maybe you're feeling a lot of fear about inching more towards it for any number of reasons. 

Let's talk about that fear. I want to share my tips with you on how to help you move through that fear. 

How to get out of your comfort zone:

1. Acknowledge your fear. It's completely okay to have fear about what you want or where you want to be. That fear is natural. It's giving you an opportunity for growth. 

2. Feel your fear. Feel all of it. There’s nothing wrong with your fear. A lot of times we are afraid to feel our fear, but it’s feeling it that will allow you to move through it. Give yourself permission to have your fear instead of pushing it away and avoiding it. Then, you'll be able to give it less power. 

3. Feel into your desire underneath. What do you really want? Can you allow that desire to come to the surface? It wants space and attention. Feeling your desire will give you motivation to take action on it.

4. Take an action towards your desire.

In my example, my action was making the decision to move and choosing a time when to do it. I chose one month and told my friends, mom and significant other. I find that telling people keeps me accountable to actually follow through and it provides me more support.

My first action though was scheduling a session with the life coach because I needed to talk to someone about my desire, someone I knew who wouldn't judge me, and someone I knew who could relate. 

5. Remember you have the power to get outside of your comfort zone. You have the power to be with your fears and all the feelings that arise above your desires. And you have the power to move through the fear to let your desire shine through and take action in the direction towards your desire. 

There are a lot of different things that we want throughout our lives that lie outside of our comfort zone, and require us to move through fear in order to feel our desire more, and feel the motivation to take action.

This means you're growing. And that's a beautiful thing. 

Often, it's not the discomfort itself that's keeping us from taking action, but what we make of the discomfort and our willingness to be with the discomfort.

Are you willing to be with your discomfort in order to move through it? What are you making your fear and discomfort mean?

What's something that your heart desires that's outside of your comfort zone?

P.S. Are you ready to be brave and move outside your comfort zone? I want to invite you to sign up for your [FREE] Connection Call with me where I'll give you space to have your desires and talk about your fears so you can take action towards what you REALLY want. Click below to schedule.

5 Min Feel Freedom In Your Body Visualization Exercise

Connecting to our bodies is essential for our inner freedom and power.

It's essential for getting free from all the societal messages that we've internalized about not feeling good enough, sexy enough, deserving, worthy, lovable, accepted, and.....

A lot of my deeper work with clients involves helping them get more in their bodies and listening to their inner wisdom. If you’re feeling disconnected from your body at all, I have a little exercise that could help you feel more connected.

I offer you this visualization exercise:

Think of a time when you felt free. Or, think of an image/fantasy that makes you feel free. Pay attention to every detail of your image from the shoes you are wearing to what color the sky is. Then, feel into the freedom that you are experiencing in this image.

What does it feel like? What are you feeling in your body?

Pay attention to what it feels like in your body from your head to your toes. Imagine that you are there, now, experiencing that freedom right now in your body. Feel it for as long as you need.

When you are ready to step away from the image in your mind, wiggle your toes and fingers and slowly open your eyes. Continue to feel your body and notice how it feels against the couch, chair, or bed of where you are sitting.

Carry that feeling of freedom with you noticing how it feels, how it feels in your body.


P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

What To Do When You're Experiencing Burnout

Are you feeling burnt out on some part of your life or of many things in your life?

Maybe you're feeling burnt out on your business or work. 

Maybe you're feeling burnt out on a social cause or something you've been passionately spreading awareness about. 

Maybe you're feeling burnt out on social media (consuming it, posting, and having online conversations).

Maybe you're burnt out on your social life and want to spend more time to yourself or draw new friendships or community into your life.

Or, maybe you're burnt out on a hobby or activity you enjoyed doing for a long time. 

Whatever you are feeling burnt out on is REAL. Burnout is real. 

We don't talk about burnout that often let alone what we can do when we are feeling burnt out.

I want to share my 5 things you can do when you're feeling burnout so you can continue to show up for yourself and live the life you REALLY want. 

1 ) Be Honest About What You're Feeling

First, acknowledge that it is completely okay to feel burnt out. About anything.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you are feeling without pushing your feelings away or telling yourself that you "shouldn't" feel burnout. 

There are no "shoulds" here. You feel how you feel and that is more than okay. 

Be honest with yourself because you deserve it. 

2) Recognize That Burnout Is An Opportunity...

It's an opportunity for you to take care of yourself. 

It's an opportunity for checking-in with yourself and your boundaries. Have you crossed your own boundaries? Do you need to put some new boundaries in place?

It's an opportunity to go inward and ask yourself what you're REALLY wanting. 

Burnout is often a sign that we are growing into another part of ourselves and leveling up in our life. 

Burnout is a sign of growth. 

What is it that wants to be born?

Is there a way that you want to show up differently? Is there something different that you want to do with your life? Is there a new direction you are craving to go in?

3) Rest

Whatever opportunity burnout is presenting to you, it's important that you take time to rest to let what wants to be born sprout. 

It's also important to just rest for rest's sake. Rest from whatever you are feeling burnout about. You are going to need some distance from it to re-charge and rejuvenate. 

Give whatever it is that you're burnt out on a rest. And give yourself proper rest.

You will thank yourself for it. 

4) Have Fun

Seriously. You're burnt out, it's time to increase your fun. Can you honestly say that you have fun every week? You know, that feeling of FUN? 

No? Then, it's time to do something you find FUN and to do it regularly. Give yourself permission to have fun. 

I don't know about you, but if fun isn't a part of life, then I want nothing to do with life.

You are meant to have fun in this life.

Give yourself this gift of fun.

Try something new. Is there something you have always wanted to try that seems fun? Do it! Better yet, do it now! 

5) Make A Change

Obviously something wants to change if you're feeling burnout, and this is a beautiful thing!

Change is good. Oh, so good. 

If we're committed to growth, our minds, desires, goals, and values are going to evolve.

That's all part of getting more in touch with your whole self, and connecting more to the essence of who you are underneath societal constructs. 

What kind of change are you hungering for? 

Be honest with yourself, let yourself feel ALL of your feelings, let yourself have ALL of your desires. Let yourself dream of something different. Something you're wanting MORE. 

It's okay to let go of what no longer serves you. In fact, it's one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. 

Follow steps 1-5 to refresh and begin anew. You're worth it and you deserve it. 

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

When You Deny Yourself Your Feelings, You Deny Your Power

Every emotion has a valuable message for us, and as we allow ourselves to feel and hold each emotion in loving awareness, our relationship with our self and with everyone in our lives will become more authentic and whole. 
— Deepak Chopra

We’re not taught to feel our feelings or how to manage our emotions.

We’re not taught that we actually have control of our feelings instead of thinking that circumstances control our feelings.

But, I have EXCELLENT NEWS for you.

Circumstances do not control your feelings. Circumstances happen and you get to respond to them however you want.

You have that power.

When we think that circumstances and other people cause us to feel what we feel, we are giving our power away.

I remember my school counselor telling my 4th grade class that “no one MAKES us feel anything” and it’s stuck with me ever since. When we say, “They made me feel this way”, we are actually being inaccurate. No one makes us feel any particular way at all. We do. We “make” ourselves feel what we feel.

This is EXCELLENT NEWS because it means we have more power than we think we do.

And, you do. You DO have more power than you think you do.

No matter your circumstances, or what someone does to you, YOU get to decide how you feel about it.

Now, that doesn’t mean that we want to feel like rainbows and roses all the time. If we witness someone being harmed and we respond with joy, then that probably doesn’t serve us because feeling joy in that circumstance won’t teach us to intervene or help stop physical harm. It won’t teach us that physically harming someone isn't okay.

All emotions are valid, have their place and are available to us to serve our highest humanity.

But, the problem is when we get caught up in blaming others for our emotions thinking that they cause our emotions instead of recognizing our own power.

We can’t grow and mature emotionally if we stay in this false cycle of not taking responsibility for our own feelings. It doesn’t mean we don’t create boundaries and have an attitude of “anything goes” or let people walk all over us. Quite the opposite actually.

Our freedom is in owning our feelings and feeling them.

This creates more space in our heart, mind and body (since our bodies store our emotions).

When we deny ourselves our feelings, we are holding onto more unnecessary weight that holds us down for a longer period of time.

My desire for you is that you recognize that you CAN free yourself from this weight. You can take the weight off.

It does involve getting vulnerable with yourself and feeling your feelings. Trust yourself enough to hold your feelings. The more you do it, the better you will get at feeling your feelings, and the deeper you will trust yourself to hold space for YOU.

And the more capacity you will have to hold space for others when they are having feelings, which will enhance your relationships and have you experiencing deeper intimacy.

Feel your feelings. Own your feelings. And take your power back.

You are more powerful than you think and you are worth owning it!

XO Cam


P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

Where Are You Avoiding Intimacy In Your Life?

I want to talk about intimacy so you can experience more of it in your life.

Because you deserve it, and it's a perfectly human desire and need.

In my latest podcast episode, I talk about gender, intimacy, and being vulnerable. 

In this blog post, I want to talk about where you might be avoiding intimacy in your life, and how you can change that so you can experience the intimacy you deserve. 

Intimacy is a need for:

having and expressing our feelings in healthy ways

Intimacy is a human need. 

We need connection with each other.

We need to feel close with one another.

We need to be able to have our feelings, feel them, and express them in ways that are healthy. 

But, even though we need intimacy, we tend to create barriers to having the intimacy we want. 

We avoid it because we don't feel:

worthy, deserving, lovable, valuable, good enough, and and....

Or, we feel shame, fear of judgment or rejection. 

We might believe or feel some of these things, which create barriers to avoiding intimacy.

Because it's what we've been taught to do or because we don't know how to have intimacy. 

So, we continue to avoid it and push it away. 

When we label and judge others, we are creating a barrier to intimacy.

When we judge or shame ourselves, we are creating a barrier to experience deeper intimacy with ourselves. 

When we live in resentment or anger, we are avoiding intimacy.

Where are you avoiding intimacy in your life, in your relationships?

Are you holding onto resentment or anger?

It’s hard to feel close and connected with ourselves and with others when we don’t give ourselves space to feel our feelings, take responsibility for our feelings and express them in healthy ways.

The good news is that we CAN cultivate the skills to experience more intimacy anytime we want. 

It begins with being honest with ourselves and being vulnerable. 

Getting good at feeling our feelings.

Getting brave.

It’s a practice.

Are you afraid to make the first move of being open with your partner or friend or family member?

Are you afraid to feel all that you're really feeling?

Are there conversations you’re avoiding because you’re afraid of intimacy?

Are there feelings you’re avoiding feeling because you’re afraid of intimacy?

What are you afraid of?

Feel the courage to open.

Open up to yourself. Trust yourself to hold space for your emotions.

Open up to others and trust yourself to hold you no matter how the other person responds.

We must open if we want intimacy.

Open honestly and gently....

This is part of experiencing deeper intimacy with ourselves.

And will lead to greater intimacy with others.

I invite you to open a little and come a little closer to yourself.


Ask yourself....

What barriers to intimacy are you creating?

Can you pin point why?

What’s underneath the avoidance and barrier?

Do you feel afraid, hurt, angry....?

What's causing you to feel fear, hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy, etc....?

What are you telling yourself that is causing these feelings? What are you choosing to believe that is preventing more intimacy?

Maybe it's an internalized belief from oppression, childhood, or from something someone said to you that you latched onto

about your worth, body, desirability, or what you deserve ....

Investigate the beliefs you have taken on about yourself and about others that are preventing you from experiencing deeper intimacy right now. 

Decide whether these beliefs are serving you or not. If they are, then let them stay. Stay in your feelings and be with whatever you need to be with. Maybe there’s something more for you to experience here and learn.

If these beliefs aren't serving you and you want to adopt new ones that will serve you better, then begin the process of letting them go and see how it feels. 

Choosing more freeing beliefs and learning how to embody them on an everyday level requires practice and commitment. 

But, it's doable, love. You have the power to believe what you want to believe, feel what you want to feel, and experience deeper intimacy. 

Deeper intimacy with yourself and with others. 

Your true self knows you deserve it. 

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

5 Ways Men Can Self-Reflect During #MeToo

I think it’s time for us to listen to the discussions that women are having and look at ourselves in the mirror and interrogate our own behaviors because a lot of times men are coming off in ways that they don’t understand are harmful
— Kumail Nanjiani


#MeToo is an opportunity for men to show up more powerfully


Times are changing. More and more men are being held responsible for sexual assault and harassment.


I know you think sexual assault is wrong, and, yet, maybe you’re still feeling scared


Because maybe you’ve participated in it in some way in your life.


Maybe with a girl in college.

Maybe with a coworker.

Maybe with someone you know well.

Maybe on the streets catcalling.


Seeing leaders around you crumble might have you feeling terrified thinking


Will I be called out?

Have I done harm?

Am I a bad person?

What does this mean for me now as a man?

How should I respond? I’m afraid to say or do anything at all.


I’m here to help you navigate your fear and be the good person that you are and show up powerfully for others.

We need more male leaders owning their shit, listening and rising up to support.

You can absolutely be one of those leaders, and if you’re a parent, you have the opportunity to be more of a positive example to your child(ren) and teach them what consent really looks like.


An Opportunity to Grow

You have a real opportunity to change the game, to have better relationships, strengthen your resiliency and be more of who you really are underneath the societal muck. You have the opportunity to grow more into the person that you really are, the whole person that is YOU.

You’ve been told too many lies about who you “should” be, it’s time to stop believing the lies and come home to yourself.

Personal growth is the best investment you can make. This is your life. I know you want to do what’s right and be all you can be and feel fulfilled.

While it may not seem like it, the #metoo campaign is a huge opportunity for you to do just that because it’s calling you to look within and self-reflect, and this will allow you to be the best version of yourself and be a part of a growing, positive social change.

Expand Your Listening Skills

You’ve heard feminists telling men to listen more.

Listening is the most important skill you can master.

Listening makes up the foundation for a fulfilling life, relationships and being a part of a better future. Learning to listen to yourself, to your partner(s), your child(ren), your clients or employees, your intuition, your body, the environment,...., will greatly enhance your life and society.

Listening to women and nonbinary folx about their experiences, perspectives, and needs during this #metoo movement will help you self-reflect and show up more powerfully to support and be a leading example. See women and nonbinary folx as your teachers, mentors, and role models. See them as people you can and need to learn from, and learn from them.

Pay attention to any eagerness you have to respond and get your voice heard. Pay attention to whose voice gets heard more than others. What voices dominate the room, the media, higher education, politics, your work space, your household, etc….?

Listening also brings you greater intimacy, more pleasure, and hotter sex.

Listening is part of learning what consent really looks like. True consent requires listening, listening to what a No sounds like and what a Yes sounds like.

And, remember, if it’s not a yes, it’s a no, and listening to that more subtle no is everything.

Learning to only pursue yeses will give both parties the utmost pleasure and satisfaction.

Exercise: How can you listen more? Are the women in your life giving you feedback that you’re a good listener? Ask them, and listen to their response.


Recognize You’ve Been Socialized To Feel Entitlement

With messages like “boys will be boys”, you’ve been taught, from a young age, that you have a certain kind of entitlement.

Entitled to women, women’s bodies, romance and sex with women, attention from women, so on and so forth (no matter your sexual identity).

So much of this is unconscious because it’s deeply ingrained from socialization, so you may not even realize that you have some of this feeling of entitlement.

We can see it when boys/men kill girls/women because she rejected him. This socialized male entitlement can have deadly consequences for women when gone unchecked, when men are not self-reflecting.

A good place to start is to begin recognizing that rejection isn’t about you and it’s part of life. It blows, and we all experience rejection from someone at some point.


Rejection (from women or in any situation) is an opportunity to love yourself more, to know that someone else’s rejection of you isn’t about you, and you have the confidence to let it go and move on.


It’s okay to feel the hurt from being rejected, but don’t let this hurt guide your actions.

Feel what you feel (anger, resentment, etc), then act from a place of true self-confidence and love instead of anger or resentment.

Reflection: What messages have you received from society about what you are entitled to?


Question Gender

One of the most important things the #metoo campaign is shedding a light on is this outdated idea we have of what it means to be a “man” (or “woman”).

It’s no longer acceptable for men to prove their “manhood” by dominating and having power over women, which means that the ideas of what it means to be a “man” is being shaken up.

Ask yourself what it means to be a man in the first place. Bring awareness to what you’ve been taught as a man in society.

Write a list of all the ways society has expected you to be.


Do these ways fit who you really are? Do they serve you? How/how not?

What do you want to shed that isn’t who you really are?

You don’t have to perform “masculinity” anymore. You don’t have to perform “manhood”. You get to be YOU. All of you.

What are the parts of you that have been denied?

Start to embrace all of you. You are worth it.


Talk to Someone

You might be having a lot of feelings about everything you’ve been learning during the #metoo movement. It’s important to release your feelings in a healthy way.

Talk to someone. Whether it’s a friend, counselor, mentor or coach (I’m here for you, let’s talk). It’s not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up.

If you have the funds, talk to someone or find a really good friend who will listen. It’s worth your time. Because you are worth it.

Want to talk to someone and get some support for all of this reflection?

Are you ready to expand to the next level of who you are and creating positive change?

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clic




Connecting To Your Intuition To Live Your Best Life

Your intuition is one of your deepest wisdoms.

Developing a relationship with it is essential for your well being and to live your best life.

We've been taught to value the logical/rational mind more than our intuition, which cannot be explained through logic and reason.

We've been pulled away from trusting our deep, inner wisdom and connecting to it and letting it lead our lives.

From experience, when I really listen to and follow my intuition, I feel better, things in my life flow better, and I'm more at ease. This is why I've become so passionate about listening to and trusting my intuition and want to help and teach others to do the same.

I started leading more with my intuition a few years ago when I moved away from the SF Bay Area (which was a desire that had been deep inside of me for a long time, but I was too scared to take action on), and it's completely changed my life, and how I want to live my life.

Leading from my intuition has given me more inner confidence, which has helped me as a woman in this society who has been taught to listen to the authority of others, especially men, before my own.

This is why listening to your intuition is a feminist act and an act of selfcare.

Society values the "logical/rational" mind, which it links to the "masculine" and "maleness" more than our inner wisdom (not that logic/reason is "bad"; I believe it should also be valued but not more than our intuition and inner wisdom).

Society teaches girls from a young age to listen to everyone except herself, to rely on external authority instead of her own, instead of trusting herself, her heart, her spirit or wisdom or intelligence. This is why listening to my intuition has given me a greater confidence that society has tried to steer me away from as a woman.

Society doesn’t just try to steer women away from their intuition, but men aren’t taught to connect with their intuition either.

Patriarchy knows no gender and since we live in a patriarchal society, we have all been taught to value our mind over our intuition.

We are all being disserviced from not learning to listen to and follow our intuition. I’m here to help change that and bring you closer to yourself (no matter what gender you identify as) and live the life you deserve.

Developing a relationship with your intuition will help you live your best life because it wants nothing but the best for you and never steers you wrong.

Here are my 6 ways to help you connect deeper to your intuition.

I recommend exploring all of these ways at different times and noticing where and how you hear your intuition the clearest:

1) Getting out in nature. Being out in nature helps you connect to who you are underneath/outside of society's constructs, oppression and conditioning. It reminds you of your interconnectedness to the earth, water, animals, planets, stars, the Universe...

Getting away from the stimulus of urban life and out into quiet nature where you can hear your intuition more clearly and feel that pure joy that's deep inside but gets covered with all of the various muck and stress and oppression of daily human life is essential to your life.

2) Sit quietly with yourself. This doesn't have to be a meditation per say, but just sitting in stillness without outside distractions helps you connect to your heart and gut, and to feel what's going on inside of your body.

3) Write to your intuition and ask it specific questions. Often times, writing things down can bring so much clarity and can be a gateway to our soul, where we can hear our intuition speak more clearly. Write down what arises without thinking about it. Let your body write instead of your mind.

4) Do something creative and that brings you joy. Feeling your joy connects you to your heart, which connects you to your intuition. Feeling your creativity connects you to your essence, which connects you to your intuition.

Tapping into our creativity is important for listening to our intuition, soul care, living our purpose, and creating the kind of social change we want to see in the world.

If we want to see a shift in society and politics, we need to come up with new, creative ways of doing things. We need to come up with new, creative ways of relating to one another, sharing and creating knowledge, implementing our imagination, taking inspired action, making a living, doing more of what we love and what brings us joy and keeps us healthy and well, and building a world that supports everyone's safety, well being, and them thriving.

Some of my favorite, consistent ways of getting creative includes dancing to loud music in whatever living room I'm staying in, letting myself free write, talking out loud and just saying whatever needs to be said without thinking about it, creating something new in the kitchen, thinking of funny scenarios in my head and how I can make my mom laugh (one of my favorite things to do in life that brings me pure joy), brainstorming/mapping and having deep conversations with friends.

I recommend doing something creative everyday for a week, big or small. This can include writing, journaling, painting, drawing, cooking, baking, brainstorming, moving your body, poetry, playing music, learning a new tool or way of doing something and trying it out, dancing, taking a different route (big or small), crafting, gardening, make someone laugh,....

Just doing something fun-anything! There's creativity in anything and everything.

Tapping into your creativity more will help you connect more to your joy, and this will help you connect more to your intuition, your soul or the true essence of who you are, and it will inspire you to create change from that place instead of one based in fear.

Creativity is vital to your well being.

5) Pay attention to your night dreams and let yourself daydream. Sometimes our intuition speaks to us through our dreams. It's okay if yours doesn't and if you don't remember your nighttime dreams. Let yourself daydream.

Allowing yourself to rest connects you deeper to yourself where you're letting your ego take a backseat.

Daydreaming can spark creativity connecting you more to your intuition.

6) Immerse yourself in water. There's something about being in water that connects us to our intuition and can offer us a download of ideas that are in alignment with our hearts. I've noticed that my intuition speaks the loudest to me with ideas when I'm in the shower or taking a bath. Now, whenever I feel stuck or confused or need clarity, I tell myself that I just need to take a shower!

When we connect to our intuition, we are connecting to our soul's purpose, and from that place, we will know what to do. We will then be guided by our soul's being, rather than our ego.

Try these ways of connecting to your intuition and let me know how it goes!

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

Your Being Is More Important Than Your Doing

I've been thinking...

more about being instead of doing...

It’s hard for us to just BE and not feel like we need to be doing something. Society and our ego define our lives based on doing. It's what capitalism has taught us. That we need to be productive. And if we're not, then we're not worthy. We're not enough. We must be working. We must be producing labor. This is how success is defined. By hard work. Success is not defined by just being, by just being ourselves.

But, I think there's something in the being that we're missing because we're so focused on the doing.

When we focus on our being, we get more in touch with the essence of who we are, with our spiritual selves, with our intuition.

Who are you before the doing? Who are you before you do anything at all? Before you work? Before productivity? What kind of being is present? Who is your being? What does it feel like?

This is where I think the heart of the matter is.

But, how do you get more in touch with who you are underneath it all?

Sitting still with yourself is a direct way to feel into our essence. You can call it meditation or just sitting with yourself, it doesn't really matter. But, just sitting in stillness and connecting to the you underneath it all or above it all. Connecting with your intuition. Paying attention to who your soul is.

I believe that when we connect more to our being, then we will be more guided by our intuition and the stuff that doesn't matter, the unnecessary stress, will melt away. Maybe little by little at first, but you will start to align yourself more with who you truly are and live more of life from that place.

Being out in nature can help us connect more to our being. Since we are part of nature. This reminds us of our interconnectedness. This is who we really are. We are interconnected. When we remember that we are interconnected with nature, again, more of the muck falls away, because we see the bigger picture. We see that we are part of the whole. That there is no me without you and no you without me. We all created this world together. We're all in this together. This helps get us more in touch with our compassion and empathy for one another, which will help us create and live a more liberated and just place for all.

And the more we connect to the ground, the more grounded we feel. The more grounded we feel, the more stable and centered we feel. From this place, we are able to listen more closely to our intuition; we feel more at ease within ourselves and operating in the world; we can make decisions and communicate more clearly.

You can see all of these connections between connecting to the Earth and connecting to our spiritual selves and connecting with the world...

And success isn't actually defined by our doing because if it were, then we would all be seen as successful. Most of us are working really hard. Not all of us are "successful" by society's standards. Many of us tend to get too wrapped up in our idea of "success" that we lose touch with who we really are and why we're really on this planet.

You can redefine success or give it up altogether no matter how many big dreams, desires and ambitions you have! You don’t have to quit having them, but if focusing on “success” too much is getting you out of touch with your being, then it’s worth re-setting. You might find that you are more "productive" when you’re more focused on being and more connected to your intuition. This doesn't mean action goes out the window. It just means that your actions come from a different place, and are more in alignment with who you really are that cannot be defined by society.

My mantra for you: May you know your true essence. May you always be connected to it and follow your intuition.

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

My gender story as a non-binary queer woman

(*The above photo comes from the DC Capital Pride Parade )


“Gender has always been considered a fact, immutable. We now know, it’s actually more fluid, complex, and mysterious.” –Geena Rocero


I started puberty a little later than most of my peers. My period didn’t begin until I was almost 15 yrs old. I was always a skinny, short, athletic kid who didn’t “need” to wear a bra until junior year of high school. When that red river first flowed, everything changed. All of a sudden, I was “female” and would turn into a “woman,” two identities that were completely foreign to me. I knew that I was a “girl,” which didn’t seem to bother me too much because up until the point of puberty, I was pretty genderless. My body wasn’t particularly “marked” in a way that exuded gender, and I had always been gender fluid since the time I was a baby. I played with toys, dressed in clothes, and liked things that were considered “feminine” and “masculine.” I was never a “girly girl” but I was a girl’s girl who was more like a faggy tomboy. I liked it all and wanted it all from the barbie dolls and blue lipstick to the baseball caps and baggy jeans. I was a very creative kid with a variety of expressions.

When my body started to change and it was confirmed that I was in a “woman’s” body, I wanted to scream at the whole world “NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T ME. MAKE IT STOP.” I resisted my bodily changes and clung to denial for dear life. When my period would strike, I would wear pads and change them, but in my mind, it wasn’t happening, I wasn’t female, and this wasn’t my body. People had always warned me that, one day, I would develop breasts and start my period, but I didn’t believe them. I thought that I was “special,” that it wouldn’t happen to me because it wasn’t who I was. I was different. And I was different, but not in the ways I had thought I would be.

I was different because the body that was developing wasn’t the body I identified with. But, as a teenager in the late 90s and early 2000s, I didn’t have the words to articulate my feelings. I didn’t even have the skills to acknowledge my feelings. I just knew that I felt uncomfortable, that something was “wrong,” but I didn’t know what or why. It wasn’t until my first year of college when I began to find more words for my strong discomfort.

I was a freshman at a Christian college pissed as all hell at “God” for making me this way. How could you, God? Why did you make me this way? I’m in the wrong body! I wasn’t familiar with the term transgender and I don’t remember when I was first introduced to it, but when I was, I clung to it. The Latin prefix "trans" meaning "beyond" or "changing thoroughly" deeply resonated with me. I felt like I wanted to move beyond gender, to transcend it. After a lot of yelling at God, I decided to see a counselor during my second year of college. I remember he asked me what brought me to counseling and I said “I have a lot of anger inside of me.” He said, “That sounds miserable.” It was, and he helped me uncover all of the feelings that were hiding underneath. With him, I realized that I never wanted to be “female,” that I never felt “female”, and that I had a lot of anger and resentment about that.

While I felt like the term transgender resonated with me deeply at the time, I was scared to come out to my friends and family. The term was more taboo during this time, and I was afraid that no one would understand or accept me. I did end up coming out to my best friend and roommate at the time, who seemed supportive though I don’t think they fully knew what being transgender meant. Rightly so, as I don’t think anyone who hasn’t felt like the gender that was assigned to them at birth can truly understand what it’s like though I do believe they can listen fully and have compassion and acceptance.

It took me another year to open up to my mom, who ended up telling my dad. My parents didn’t understand and didn’t talk about it. They didn’t ask me any questions, but my mom said “I don’t want a son.” Her words struck me in a complex way. On one hand, I felt hurt knowing that she would not accept me if I realized that I was her son. On the other hand, as a feminist who was aware of the patriarchal world we live in where sons are often more desirable, I was happy to hear that a daughter was her preference. I didn’t even know if I was a son though. I just knew that I wasn’t a daughter.

The more I unpacked my feelings through counseling, the more I realized that I didn’t want to be a girl or a boy. I thought about transitioning. I had been uncomfortable having breasts since I developed them as a teenager, and a mastectomy crossed my mind many times. I, also, thought about hormones, but decided against them because I didn’t want my face to change. All I knew was that I felt uncomfortable in my body and didn’t want to be a gender. I felt this way for a few years, then I made a firm decision that I wasn’t going to transition because I didn’t know what I would be transitioning into exactly, and didn’t want to make a big decision like this without feeling confident about it. I wanted to accept myself and my body for the way that it was and release feelings of self-hate. Now, this is where my story can get tricky. I don’t want to make it sound like there’s a “fix” for feeling trans or that trans folks just need to accept their bodies the way that they are. I don’t think or believe this at all. For me, though, I knew I didn’t want to transition and I wanted to love my body the way that it was, but I, honestly, believed that I would always feel uncomfortable in my body. However, that changed for me.

In my mid-20s, I don't know why or how it began to change, but I started to feel comfortable in my body. I wasn’t trying to feel comfortable because I had already accepted the "fact" that I would always feel uncomfortable in my body. I started to love and appreciate my breasts, and all parts of my body. I was accepting my body for what it was, and, at the same time, embracing that I didn’t have a gender identity. I stopped identifying as trans and took on “queer” instead. Queer seemed to encompass my gender fluidity/non-gender identity and my pansexuality all in one.

When I started feeling more comfortable in my body, I started to embrace all parts of me, including the more “feminine” ones that I had ignored because I felt like they presented me as a “woman” when I didn’t want to present that way. But, I started to care less about being perceived as a “woman” by others. I even began to reclaim it for myself. 

I’m 32 now, and, while I’d rather have no gender identity at all, I seem to need one to operate in this world. Thus, I refer to myself as a non-binary woman. I like saying that I’m non-binary because I reject the binary as a concept and as a practice. I resist the gender binary in many different ways in my life even if I look “cis” to the public eye, BUT I do have the privilege of “passing” as cisgendered, and thus do not experience harassment or violence for living outside the gender binary on the outside. I’m aware that I “present” as a woman on the outside (whatever that really means), but I do not have an intrinsic gender and have never felt in alignment with the gender that was placed upon me. The “woman” part of my identity is a social and political one that acknowledges my experience with “women’s oppression” of sexism and misogyny, but I recognize that this gender has been imposed upon me and is not me at my essence. My soul was not born a gender, but society placed one upon me before I popped out of a vagina!

Gender is complex, and so is my relationship to it. I’m prouder than ever to call myself a woman and to identify with the social group of “women.” I’m, also, proud to call myself non-binary and queer to embrace my complexities with gender and my belief in it as a construct and performance. My ideal world is one that does not place a gender on me or anyone, one where I do not have to have a gender to survive or operate, one that sees beneath the complex layers to my soul and who I am at my core.


What is your gender story? Did you align with the gender that was placed upon you growing up? How/how not? Why/why not? Have you ever thought about sharing your story? It can be so healing and liberating to express our experiences and thoughts around our relationship to and how we've been affected by gender. I encourage you to think about your own experience with gender and express what needs to be expressed in a way that feels good (whether it's through writing, verbally telling a friend, art, dance, song......)

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

Trusting Your Own Authority & Intuition

As women, we are taught from a young age to value and listen to the wisdom of others, usually (cis) men because patriarchy tells us that men are the authority, that they know everything. This prevents us from listening to and trusting our own wisdom and intuition. We’re often criticized for being too emotional and sensitive and dramatic. The systems of oppression (patriarchy, White supremacy, capitalism, etc..) doesn’t value empathy, sensitivity, intuition, listening. Thus, tapping into our intuition might feel scary or like unknown territory because it's not what we've been taught. Following our intuition and trusting our inner wisdom (or authority) requires that we go against the status quo, challenge what we've always been taught, and undo the taboo and stigma we've subconsciously taken on.

A lot of girls and women have received messages from the media that they need to be saved or taken care of and protected. While these messages have been slowly changing, they have messed with our heads getting us further away from our intuition, from trusting ourselves and our authority of our life. If we’ve received messages that we need saving or protected, then we’re going to look to others, particularly cis men for answers, for authority, wisdom, and control instead of ourselves.

It's not just patriarchy that has steered us away from our own authority though. White supremacy teaches us that White folks are the authority figures. Ableism teaches us that non-disabled folks have authority. The gender-binary teaches us that cisgendered folks have authority. Capitalism teaches us that our bosses or society have the authority. So on and so forth. The systems of oppression greatly influence who we perceive as having authority, who we perceive as "experts," and what kind of relationship we have to our own authority and intuition. Because of this, there are many messages that we have internalized to keep us from listening to and following our inner voice and wisdom. 

Becoming more aware of what the systems of oppression have taught us in relation to authority, and how we have internalized these messages is a key to our liberation. Not only do we need to change the structures outside of ourselves and outward oppression, but also inward oppression, the unhealthy and unsupportive thoughts and beliefs we have latched onto about ourselves that aren’t actually a part of who we truly are. The more we hold onto internalized oppressive beliefs, the less we truly are ourselves, and therefore the less connected we are to our intuition. Connecting to our intuition can help us realize more the oppressive beliefs that we’ve been taught and internalized, and vise versa; the more we confront these oppressive beliefs, the more in touch with our intuition we can be.

Are you following someone else's authority on how you "should" live your own life, run your business, or do relationships? We constantly get messages from outside sources that we should be doing this, should be doing that in all areas of our lives. We're told that we have to fit someone else's mold and follow their model thus keeping us further and further away from creating our own model, and doing what feels right to us. 

It is scary and confusing to create our own model because there's no other structure to model after when we're tapping into our creativity and wanting to make something different. A lot of times, we end up re-creating the same structures that we've always seen, been a part of and experienced because those are the models that we know. But, this can be detrimental and not serve us or those around us in our communities and world. Often times, the structures we end up re-creating have oppressive foundations that reinforce hierarchy, patriarchy, White supremacy, capitalism, individualism, heterosexism, etc...

How can we move away from these oppressive structures and create new ones that work towards a model of liberation and justice? 

It can be messy and complex creating our own new models of "success", how to love and do relationships, what decisions we make for ourselves, where we want to work, how we want to run our business, and how we want to build community. It's an exploration that doesn't have a destination. A journey of liberation is one that is always evolving; it is fluid. 

What if you listened to and trusted YOUR authority, instead of someone else's? What if you listened to YOUR intuition and how it wants you to live your life and manage and market your business? How do you keep yourself in check, coming back to myself, and listening to your intuition, listening to yourself? 

What do YOU want? What do YOU desire? What is YOUR intuition telling you? What feels good to YOU?

When someone gives you advice, whether it's unwanted or not, pay attention to how what they're saying feels in your body. Does it feel good? Not everything will resonate. Sometimes, nothing will resonate. Sometimes, much of it will resonate. Take what resonates and leave the rest. You can tell what feels right to you, what ideas and decisions feel right to your body and intuition. 

I don't believe that there is one blueprint or model for everyone. There is no one "right" way for everyone. I believe that when you listen to what feels right to you, then you are living in alignment with your genuine self (and not someone else's). I cannot promise that all of what you want will come to you, that you will achieve everything that you want, that you will attain specific results. I cannot promise you anything, in fact. What I can do is support you, hold space for you, reflect back to you, ask you insightful questions that help you connect deeper to yourself, your desires, your intuition/soul and listen to your own voice underneath. Your own voice underneath all of the layers that you've been taught of things you "should" do in order to achieve x, y, z in your business and/or life.

I do believe we can and do learn from each other, and that we are always influencing each other. We have A LOT to learn from and offer one another. We each have interesting, incredible gifts. We can teach one other. We are influencing one another all of the time. And I think that's different than preaching a one-size-fits-all model and saying the "shoulds".


What if we all supported each other to listen to our own authority on our own journey instead? How do you connect with your intuition, your own authority, to hear the answers that want to come through you?


XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

How Internalized Oppression Plays A Big Role In Our "Core" & "Limiting" Beliefs

How Internalized Oppression Plays A Big Role In Our "Core" & "Limiting" Beliefs

The personal growth world tells us that we have “core” beliefs or “limiting” beliefs that hold us back from being ourselves and doing what we want in life, and that these beliefs come from ourselves. They might tell us that we have learned some of these beliefs from our parents or families growing up, but, they fail to recognize another root cause of our negative “core/limiting” beliefs, which is societal oppression. This is called internalized oppression.

Read More

Make Her Whole: 3 Tips on Crafting Women in Romance Writing

This is a guest post by Eliza David

I’ll just put it out there: I love creating women characters.  If there’s one thing I like more than writing strong & bold women, it’s reading about them. From Janie Crawford to Isadora Wing, I marvel at them.  I’ve walked away from books by my favorite authors - Erica Jong, Toni Morrison, Zora Neale Hurston, and Judy Blume among them – feeling fuller for having followed the pages of their journey.

As a writer, I wonder where the character creation process comes from for these literary legends. How did Hurston make Janie strong enough to pull a gun on her rabid suitor Teacake?  Where did Jong find the inspiration for Isadora and her quest for the ‘zipless fuck’? I often come back to these unique women characters to create my own. When I created CeeCee, Zoe, and Laney – the beloved figments of my imagination that spawned nine novels – I came back to the Janies and Isadoras of my favorite novels. From those experiences, I keep the following three guidelines in mind when creating whole, feminist-friendly women characters:

Create LayersAny character worth a read has a rich backstory that supports her decisions, thoughts, and actions throughout the novel. One of my favorite wants to learn more about my character’s backstory is to use a character questionnaire.  While every detail of your character’s past should be in the final draft, it’s helpful as the writer to know what type of childhood she endured, what her education level is, or how many times she’s had her heart broken (or how many hearts she’s broken – now there’s a story!).

Avoid Trauma As A Crutch Too many times, women characters are abused, raped or otherwise destroyed in order to prove her strength in a novel.  Of course, conflict is required for a story and it may not be pretty.  However, using a traumatic event as an explanation for your character’s personality can be a disservice to your character and to your readers.

Give Her Goals Beyond Love A romance novel cannot exist without a relationship of some sort. This is an undeniable factor of the genre and, in its greatest form, love is beautiful. It’s also important to give your main character other sources of satisfaction and happiness. Think about what fulfills your character’s soul – her career, her family, a hobby, anything that defines her personhood outside of her relationships.

Above all, be cognizant of the woman character you’re wishing to send out into the literary world. Give her a true voice that rings clear.  You never know who will be touched by your happy ending!


Eliza David was born and raised on the noisy south side of Chicago, but now lives in super quiet Iowa. When she’s not writing, working full-time, or raising two children with her loving husband, Eliza enjoys reading Jackie Collins and indulging in the occasional order of cheese fries.  She is a blogger for Real Moms of Eastern Iowa and has self-published seven romance novels.  Her dreams include seeing her name on the New York Times’ Best Sellers List and convincing her favorite actress Nia Long to portray a character from her books onscreen.

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Website


Masculinity, Divorce and Loving Yourself

This post includes a series of vignettes from Carlos Quevedo, exploring different topics tying common themes of gender, setting boundaries, being intentional, and loving yourself. 

I Want To Show Myself To You

Men are expected to be stoic and thick skinned, that's not me. I cry watching a rom com or an anime. Hell, I cry because it's Tuesday. All my life I have been told that a fundamental part of my character and personality was a flaw. It's always been strange to me that the problem was me caring too much, not that they didn't care at all. A lot of my thoughts on being an emotional man go back to one undeniable truth, men are absolute trash. Anything I learned in my life worth retaining or keeping I learned from a woman. Being there for people, understanding them and willing to sacrifice money and time. Women. What did I "learn" from men? Emotional manipulation, entitlement, a biblical sense of superiority. I'm an empath, I care for people. Not in that "I'm sorry" empty words kind of way. I'm talking about that "tell me what you need and it's yours" kind of way. This was shown to me by you guessed it, women.


"I want to be vulnerable in front of you. I want to show myself to you, not who I present myself to be."


I'm constantly being told I'm too sensitive, I handle things "like a woman", by my own mother no less. I would have never thought twice about playing certain kinds of music in front of people until I was told "why are you playing that, there aren't any girls here". I didn't know telling my friends I love them and want the best for them made them so uncomfortable. I'm stuck performing masculinity because sometimes I just don't want to deal with the judgement that comes with me simply being myself. I am into plenty of things "the average guy" is into but do I want to spend entire conversations and build friendships around that? I want to talk about what love means to you, what it means to me. I want to be vulnerable in front of you. I want to show myself to you, not who I present myself to be. I want us to Laugh together, but be there for each other's tears. Everyone is emotional. I am tired of not being able to simply show people who I am.

Divorce And Needing True Guidance

When I finally came to the conclusion that my divorce needed to happen I wanted guidance. I turned to my friends, that was a mistake. Every piece of "advice" was centered around the idea that the person I loved and cared for was somehow this evil villain that I should have never been with in the first place. The idea that I need to rationalize my pain and grief by demonizing someone I care about makes absolutely no sense to me. I don't want to hate her, I don't want to treat her like a stranger. I'm a big believer in community and this is one of those times that I wish I had it here.


"The same way we worry about someone's book smarts is the same way we need to worry about people's emotional intelligence too."


Even now there is no one I can turn to, no one that I can ask for advice that will edify me and actually help. I internalize so many things because when I vent, I end up having to explain to people that negativity about my former significant other is not what I want to hear. The same way we worry about someone's book smarts is the same way we need to worry about people's emotional intelligence too. This experience has shown me that so many people don't know how to deal with and process things without making themselves a victim. There are many situations like that certainly, but mine is not one of them. I'm simply someone looking for guidance and some positive affirmation, sometimes.

I feel like I failed, sometimes I feel like I'm unworthy of being loved. I just want someone to tell me that's not true. I know it isn't but sometimes I just want to hear it. I don't need to hear that the person I was married to for two years is horrible. I don't need to hear that she doesn't care about me, because that isn't true either. I ask for advice, but end up being the one explaining that there are no villains, just two people who made mistakes and are coming to terms with a hard decision. I could always use some guidance, and, in my current spaces, that isn't going to happen.

Be Intentional

Relationships should always be intentional. Have people around because you want them there. Make them feel that way, it matters. Save someone's day with a text, a call, a kind word. Doesn't matter whether you talk for five hours or five minutes. That's fuel for the day. You know the types of affection the people you love want to receive, give it to them. Sometimes you have to remember to be a friend. Don't give freely though, no matter how much you might want to. Not everyone deserves your time, your dedication, your affection. If they're not intentional and straight forward with you, let them go. You deserve better, you are worth it. Don't sell yourself short. We tell people (especially women) to give freely and sacrifice while getting absolutely nothing in return, that is harmful, stop that. It's ok to set boundaries. It's ok to decide who you do or don't want in your space. You don't owe anyone anything. While you love one another, don't forget to love yourself.

Don't Apologize For Being Yourself

You don't need to perform for people. If they can't handle your lows don't share your highs with them. Don't drain yourself with fair weather "friendships" and one sided emotional labor. Be conscious of people's manipulation, love yourself. Don't deal with people who only pretend to see your humanity when they want something from you. Prioritize yourself. For 2017 and the future, remember that YOU OWE NOTHING. Anyone who tells you you do is not worth holding on to.

As an empath I understand how hard this is to do. But if you care about your own survival, you'll reflect and see who's worth keeping. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Surround yourself with people who see your humanity. Surround yourself with love. Have standards, be HIGH MAINTENANCE. You are worth it, don't compromise what's important for people not willing to put in the work. Be as picky with your plutonic relationships as you are with your romantic ones. Don't ever settle. Make sure you love and are being loved.

~Carlos Quevedo, an anime/manga video game enthusiast dedicated to understanding people and showing them that good still exists

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

My Year of Living Nomadically: Following My Intuition & Trusting The Unknown

I’ve been on a big adventure since I packed up my car to the rim with my stuff and left my home in the Bay Area and my fitness career behind at the beginning of 2016. It’s something I’ve been quiet about online (only friends and family have known), but I want to open up about how I’ve been living in order to tell my story, and in case it will be of help to you in any way.

While I chose to live nomadically, I did it randomly without any kind of plan or savings or income to support me. At first sight, it seemed as though I had stumbled upon it, but upon further reflection, it was something that I had been creating for years. A few years before I decided to live as a nomad, one of my best friends and her partner had left their corporate jobs, bought a Sprinter van and set off to live a life on the road. I envied their every travel and lived vicariously through them until I finally set off on a similar journey of my own. My journey has been quite different and unexpected, and that’s exactly what I’ve needed at this time in my life.

The original plan was to move to Los Angeles. It was never about the destination of LA that drew me, but finally leaving the San Francisco Bay Area, where I lived for 8.5 years, and starting something new. I was still cramming stuff in my car before the break of dawn before I set off on my new journey. Whatever I was able to fit in my car was what I would take with me. That was it. Everything else had to go. My car was packed so tight that I could barely see out of the rearview and passenger mirrors. It felt liberating to purge any attachment to stuff. As I left my beautiful, comfortable, sunny studio, I noticed that no feelings of sadness or grief were present. On the drive down I-5 to LA, I felt nothing but excitement to enter a new place, but as soon as I entered my storage unit that I rented in Venice, a different set of emotions arose.

Fear crept in. And it crept in hard. Tears began to pour down my cheeks as I forced myself to carry all of my belongings from my car to my storage unit. I let myself cry as much as I needed to while moving my stuff. I was confused. I went from excitement and feeling liberated to feeling scared, alone, and uncertain of where I was and what I was doing. The reality was setting in quick and all I could do was remember to breathe and take one step at a time. To take care of myself, I reached out to my partner, family, and friends, who listened compassionately to my “meltdown.” Without their support, my experience would have been more difficult.


The first week at my airbnb in Venice, I let myself feel all of my emotions and told myself to focus on the present moment. I did begin looking for places to live but I was feeling uncertain about where I wanted to live and whether I wanted to live anywhere at all. The only thing I felt certain about was leaving the Bay Area. I had no desire to go back, and being alone in a new, big place after living in the same area for so long was unexpectedly intimidating. I kept telling myself, it’s okay, I did this in my early 20s (move around a lot), I can do it now.

I don’t know how to describe what happened next except that everything inside me was telling me not settle down. Anywhere. I knew I was not ready to settle down yet. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere. A nomadic life had always appealed to me and I envied those who took the courage to live it, so it was no surprise that this desire was calling me loudly. But, how was I going to pull it off? I didn’t have savings, like many other nomads I knew. I didn’t have a van or an RV to live in; I couldn’t even afford one and I was cautious about living alone in a vehicle as a woman. I didn’t have a remote job. Or a job at all. I was just setting out as a freelance writer, interviewer and blogger. I didn’t know how I was going to pursue a nomadic life if I didn’t know how I was going to fund it! But, I decided to trust and follow my intuition, which was telling me to step into and embrace the unknown.

 While I didn't settle in LA, I enjoy it's contagious chase-your-dream energy. 

While I didn't settle in LA, I enjoy it's contagious chase-your-dream energy. 

People thought that I just didn’t like LA. Los Angeles was never the destination, it was simply a landing place to help me follow my longing desire to leave the Bay Area, which had been brewing for a while. For years, I wasn’t open with my loved ones about my desire to move because I was afraid of that desire within myself. I was afraid of leaving my friends, of feeling lonely in a new place, of leaving all of the comforts that I knew, of starting anew. But, over time, that fear kept telling me that it was there because I was meant to act upon it. Sometimes what we desire most is what we fear most, and that’s what that fear was for me. It took a phone call with a life coach, who is now a good friend of mine, to help me take the plunge. I remember during our call, I told her that I wanted to move away but that I was too afraid and couldn’t confront that desire yet because the fear was too strong. She didn’t push it, but she heard me and said that, sometimes, if we’re feeling stuck in our life, moving to a new place can shift that and be exactly what we need, which resonated with me hard.

The next day, after the phone call with the life coach, I felt a big shift inside myself. That fear of moving away was disintegrating. There was something about telling someone about my desire that stripped away that heavy surface of fear that gave me permission to truly tap into that desire underneath and feel its excitement. A few days later, I had made the decision. I was going to move and I chose LA as a place to land for a while. My decision had nothing to do with LA, but it had everything to do with completely changing my living situation, creating newness, exploring something different, and following my intuition.

I didn’t know how I was going to live nomadically, but I’d been listening to my gut and that voice inside of me that tells me to do the things I’m afraid of or to step into the unknown, and as a result, things have been flowing. Listening to my intuition has required me to trust in the unknown, to trust that things will happen that are in alignment with my purpose and desire. It hasn’t always been easy listening because, sometimes, the fear or the discomfort begs for more attention. But, when I ask myself deep down, what feels right, the direction is clear.

It’s been almost a year since I set out on this nomadic journey, and it’s been a challenging, beautiful, and amazing experience. My “homes” have included housesitting opportunities, airbnb, and family and friends. Traveling from one place to another has challenged my perceptions of stability. My life has been anything but stable by society’s definition. It can be stressful not knowing where I’m going to be living next or what opportunities will arise, which has gotten me more in touch with taking care of myself and feeling grounded. I’ve realized that what stability really looks like for me is feeling grounded and centered, and that a static home or place is not a requirement for me to feel grounded.


 My typical nomad Real Feminist Stories work station. 

My typical nomad Real Feminist Stories work station. 

 Working at a coffee shop one morning in Huntington Beach. Feeling immense amount of gratitude. I think I visited more coffee shops and drank more coffee in 2016 than ever before. 

Working at a coffee shop one morning in Huntington Beach. Feeling immense amount of gratitude. I think I visited more coffee shops and drank more coffee in 2016 than ever before. 

Because I haven’t had a full-time job, and kept money rolling in by working flexible jobs and coming across unique temporary opportunities here and there, I’ve had a lot more time to focus on my passions and desires. This has allowed me the time to expand Real Feminist Stories blog and add a podcast and receive clarity to pursue coaching as part of my true passions and purpose. I’ll be honest though, often times I’ve thought, You’re 31 years old, what are you doing? You should have more money, be more successful, more x, y, and z!

But, I’m able to recognize that that voice is societal conditioning. It’s the conditioning that has tried to get us to believe that our worth is based on how much money we make, having a nice home to live in, creating and sustaining a nuclear family, working a day job we hate, so on and so forth. Lately, I’ve been examining what my worth truly is and telling myself that I am worthy without having to do anything at all. What a radical concept! We are already worthy. We don’t need a job, money, house, car, or relationship to prove it.

Reminding myself of my true self-worth and that the negative voices in my head are societal conditioning helps me persevere. And, taking a breath and feeling inward, which is how I connect to my intuition. My intuition has been telling me to keep doing what I’m doing. When I get impatient and want to know where I’m headed next, my intuition says Trust. You don’t need to know right now. Goodness, it can be so hard to trust, and it has me thinking that trust is a radical act too! Whether it’s trusting the Universe, Goddess/God, people, the unknown. Trusting that maybe we’re exactly where we need to be. Trusting that maybe we’re being taken care of. Trusting that an amazing opportunity is just around the corner. Trusting that our loved ones have our best interests at heart. Trusting that the next step will be revealed to us.

 Ojai, CA-my favorite new place I visited full of endless beauty and stillness

Ojai, CA-my favorite new place I visited full of endless beauty and stillness

I feel at home with this nomadic journey. For now. And I know it will change. Nothing is permanent. Things are always changing and we can constantly grow if we’re open to it.

There have been times when I’ve felt lost, questioned myself and doubted my journey. During those tough times, there were friends and people always there to reassure me and validate my journey, “You’re living the dream” or “I’m really proud of you” or “What you’re doing is courageous.” Also, listening to motivating and inspiring podcasts, venting my doubts and crying to friends and family, and focusing on the present moment taking it one step at a time have helped me be more at ease. I’ve listened to a lot of guided meditations and “woo woo” YouTube videos to help me trust the Universe more. Trust has guided my journey. Trust in the unknown. Trust in myself and what I’m meant to experience on this planet.


A Note About Privilege

I do want to point out that being able to live nomadically like I’ve been has been a privilege. I have certain privileges as a White, nondisabled, "cis passing" person that afford me more opportunity and accessibility to travel, and book airbnbs, etc. 

If you’re having

that nagging feeling inside you telling you to go after something or try something new, I encourage you to listen to it. Your intuition will not leave you astray. It’s here to support and guide you; it’s your inner wisdom. Listen to that voice, that feeling that your soul and gut is calling. What are you fearing? Take one step in that direction and see what happens. How do you feel? Are you closer to your desires? Are you closer to your purpose or making the kind of impact that you dream of?

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

The Complexity Women Have With Their Body Hair

Women’s relationship to their body hair is complex.

Women have been taught that it’s more acceptable to shave, and at the very least trim, their body hair whether it’s armpit hair, leg hair, pussy hair, nipple hair, or facial hair. These gender expectations run deep, and it’s no simple matter. From a young age, girls are taught to shave their pits and legs, and if they don’t, then they're usually subject to being made fun and feeling like they don’t fit in. Boys are told that their body hair is acceptable the way it is, and that it’s unacceptable for them to shave their pits and legs. Girls and boys are taught to expect girls and women to be practically free of body hair making it a norm that’s difficult to undo. But, is undoing this expectation in every woman’s interest?

Women, and our relationship to our body hair is complex. Sometimes, we shave. Sometimes, we trim. Some hairs we shave. Some hairs we trim. Some hairs we let be. There’s always a process of doing and undoing. It depends on our mood, our willingness, our interest, the circumstance, what we find sexy, our comfort level at any given day or moment. There’s no “right” way to be with our body hair. We all have a different relationship to our bodies, and that includes our body hair, and that relationship is often a complex one. It’s the complexity that needs to be acknowledged.

I wanted to ask various women-identified folks about their relationship to their body hair. How do they feel most comfortable? What is the complexity like for them? Do they feel societal pressures? Below are four stories from women of color sharing about their relationship to their body hair.

“My mother used to joke that I made hair decisions based on laziness and I guess that extends to body hair. For me, it’s more about time and financial efficiency. I shave when I remember, otherwise I just cover the area with clothing. When anything gets too long I do tend to shave. I only trim my pubic hair. I used to shave it all or get a wax but I know only to do the bikini area. Part of this was cost efficiency; I had moved to Korea for two years and the cost of waxing or Nair was adding up. For the bikini area, I tend to keep that clear only if I plan on going out in a bathing suit, otherwise I just keep it trimmed. If there were more readily available boy short bikini bottoms I would likely keep it trimmed all the time.

The one part of my body where I have strong stance on hair wise is my face, I prefer to have no body hair on my face. I wish my choices were about far more enlightened reasons and I am well-versed on the societal pressures to shave or not shave but a lot of my relationship with body hair is economical or about not wanting to spend a lot of time on what I feel like are unnecessary body maintenance choices.

While I don't care either way, I am not blind to the fact that a potential partner may not be quite as initially enlightened, so the appeal of shaving areas that are visible is that it is the socially acceptable option. I also like the fact that my legs look longer when they are clean shaven. The appeal of not shaving is that it is cheaper and less time-consuming.

These societal expectations are costly, and if they could be avoided I would rather avoid them. I tend to shave before a date with a guy I am properly interested in. I shave and trim a lot in the summer. It is not so much important as it is that I do it because I feel more comfortable when I fulfill the social requirement. I try to be confident in myself, but regardless, I prefer to not attract undue attention.

I wish body hair on women was more socially acceptable, then I would just stick to trimming.”



“One of the most annoying things about getting my menopause about 17 years earlier than most women do was the thing most people wouldn't expect: it was the loss of most of my pubic hair. As someone with somewhat conflicted feelings towards my bodily hair, the one area that I had never compromised about leaving to grow untamed was my bush.  I never touched it, perked it up, tidied it, shaped it or anything else. (This despite some complaints from sexual partners). On beaches I would nonchalantly, and in fact, gleefully let it all hang out, at most tucking it into my bikini bottoms (I refused to wear boy shorts as this wouldn't afford me this small rebellion).  Now the pubic hair is neat and tidy and looks groomed. I hate it.

I wish I could say that I have been consistent in this refusal to get rid of my body hair.  As a South Asian woman with quite light skin, but jet black hair, my hair is very easy to spot, and it's thick, too. Many South Asian women have a hatred of their bodily hair because it's so visible. Most South Asian women spend a great  deal of time getting rid of their hair, not just on their bodies, but on their faces.

I hate to say it, but I feel most comfortable shaving my legs in the summer (I won't do it in the winter) because the looks I got on the one occasion that I went au naturel in a skirt was just eye opening. People stared in horror. I hate that I'm not brave enough to weather that on a daily basis.

"It's always angered me that women are shamed into removing as much hair as possible from their bodies, and the pursuit of the lie that somehow being hairless is cleaner and more desirable for a woman."

Another small rebellion: I usually don't shave my armpits even if I'm going to wear something sleeveless and I'm dancing.  Actually, I find armpit hair sexy, but alas my wife doesn't agree.

It's always angered me that women are shamed into removing as much hair as possible from their bodies, and the pursuit of the lie that somehow being hairless is cleaner and more desirable for a woman. Societal norms about bodily hair are so entrenched most people don't question or even notice them. Intellectually, I completely reject this control of women's bodies.  In practice, I am well aware that I am a hypocrite in shaving my legs and tidying what would otherwise be a monobrow. I wish things were different.”



“I feel most comfortable with shaved pits and trimmed public hair. I'm lucky my legs really don't need maintenance but once a year. Due to having really coarse hair, I can't shave my arm pits because I will get the absolute worse abscesses. They have left huge deep scares and because of all on the scare tissue my hair doesn't grow as much. Unfortunately, the majority of the hair has been replaced with scars I'm just now feeling empowered enough to not cover up.

I'll never be a bald cat because it's simply too much work. There's nothing sexy about leaking infected abscesses on a vagina so to make sure I never have that, I just trim. The fear of shaving bald and getting ingrown hairs that get infected, yeah, forget it. I have tried Nair but it takes 2 or 3 applications. Applying a harsh hair burning cream three times a week to go bald is just not in my life plan.  

I trim really low to surprise my husband every now and then. I trim regularly because my hair grows like a weed in the public area.

Nothing in society pushes me to shave. I let go of that years ago. I do wish people didn't associate armpit hair with being unclean. I shower, I put on deodorant, I'm good, it's just a little hair people!”



“As an adolescent, I quickly conformed to the expectation of hair removal; the message was clear: body hair on a woman was ugly and undesirable. I started shaving, and quickly grew to resent the ritual. The first time I stopped shaving I was a feminist University student raging against the patriarchy. It was also winter. When spring came I felt forced to shave; I wasn’t ready to publicly rock my body hair. Shaving off months worth of hair felt like removing a part of my body. It’s much easier to see shaving as normal when you are only ever removing stubble.

The next time I stopped shaving I used pregnancy as my excuse, but I stayed razor free after my baby was born. I chose confidence over compliance, and it felt so empowering. I’ve had to overcome my fear of being hairy in public, but I’ve found that having a bold and confident stride made all the difference. I do trim and remove some select hair, but now it’s a mindful choice, not an obligation. I look forward to the day when body hair is seen as normal instead of rebellious, when removing hair is only a question of personal preference, and when our bodies are liberated from any societal pressure and expectations.”



Note: I want to thank all of these women who were open to sharing their thoughts and feelings on such a complex matter. Thank you for sharing your story on your relationship to your body hair. ~Cameron  

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 


Saying No Without Apology and Explanation

I’ll admit, I hate hearing the word “No,” but I respect it because it’s a big part of taking care of ourselves and owning our life. Society doesn't teach us, especially women, to say no. Women are taught to please and give to others, and to ask for things in the nicest way possible. We aren’t taught to get clear on what we want and need and ask for it without hesitation, apology, or explanation. Saying “No” is unfavorable, even taboo. But what if we just said “No” without any apology and expectation? It would probably bring most of us out of our comfort zone, and that's what we need in order to grow. This comfort zone would, ultimately, be refreshing and change the negative connotation around the word “No.”

As I write this, I am afraid of this “No” and the idea of us saying it freely when we genuinely mean it because I’ve been socialized to think that when one says “No” to me, then I must feel hurt and offended. Also, I don’t like it when I don’t get what I want, so hearing “No” feels like a door just got slammed in my face. But, I want to move past that and grow. I want all of us to move past that and liberate ourselves from tip toeing around saying No when what we really mean is No. And, I’m not only advocating for us saying No, but for us saying No without apologizing for it and explaining our No. Do we explain our Yes? Do we apologize for our Yeses? Of course not. We need to value No because it’s just as valid as our Yes. Not everything is a Yes nor does it need to be and that’s more than okay. We need to respect our No and when we respect our No, then others will respect it too.  

I’ve been in progressive spaces that teach us to say No in the sweetest, least offensive way possible teaching us that when we say No, we don’t just leave it at that, but we offer something else in return. But, this reinforces the taboo of No. It still tells us that we cannot simply say No, period. I’m telling you that you can say No, period. That’s it. Nothing else is necessary. Yes, people will want to hear your Why, Why, Why. You’ll want to hear others’ Why, Why, Why, and maybe they’ll feel like telling you and maybe they won’t. Maybe you’ll feel like telling them and maybe you won’t. But, isn’t it a relief when we ask someone for something and they say Yes and don’t ask for an explanation? This probably rarely happens since we are so hungry for explanations! But, it’s refreshing to hear a simple yes without be asked to explain ourselves. It’s refreshing when we say No and the person receiving that No doesn’t ask us to explain. And isn’t it refreshing to not apologize for saying No?

Why is an apology necessary? We think we’re hurting someone when we say No to them, but we’re hurting ourselves if we don’t. When we’re taking care of ourselves, we’re also taking care of others. Also, if you identify as a woman or have been raised as a woman, how many times have you said “I’m sorry” for just about everything? It gets old. We apologize like it’s our greatest talent in life. We’ve been so conditioned to apologize that we say it without realizing we’re saying it. It just flies out of our mouth before we’ve even had the slightest chance to think about it first. I do it too and after every unnecessary apology that shoots out of my mouth, I feel shame.

I’m ashamed that once again I’ve apologized for something that I didn’t need to apologize for and that I didn’t want to apologize for. Ashamed for continuing that conditioning and not being liberated from it yet. While the shame is understandable, we need to get rid of that too. It doesn’t serve us one bit to feel ashamed of something we’re unlearning. The key is to become more aware of it, then we’ll be more aware of what we really mean and want to say instead. We’ll be more aware of the unconscious thoughts we have and take our power by creating conscious thoughts and decisions. It’s imperative that we be gentle with ourselves in the process because it’s a practice of growth and we deserve to be kind to ourselves. We need that kindness and love to grow. Don’t worry about the apologies or the shame, just bring awareness around them and love yourself as you learn and grow.

Saying No without apology (“I’m sorry, but no”) or explanation (“No, because…”) is a radical concept and practice, and one that is essential to taking care of ourselves and stepping into our power. I’m not saying that power equals saying no. Stepping into our power involves us saying yes a lot too. But, it means getting clear on what we want and need and getting our wants and needs met. Saying No is part of this, and we need to learn how to be confident with our Nos, so that we can truly go after what we want, and so that we can be our genuine selves.

Saying No applies to men-identified folks as well. In my interview with Celeste, we talked about men being able to say no to sex. Women aren’t used to being rejected by men sexually, so it can be hard for a woman to hear her male partner say no if he doesn’t want to. Women’s power in society has also been tied to their sexuality, so hearing No in the bedroom can have her feeling powerless and unwanted. It’s triggering on various levels, which is why it’s also equally important for us to practice receiving No. When we hear a friend or partner say No to us, we can say “Thank you for taking care of yourself” and take their No as a reminder to take care of ourselves too. This is taking responsibility and ownership of our lives and supporting each other in doing the same.

I'm going to practice saying No without feeling the need for to apologize for it or give an explanation. I know that, sometimes, I will want to give an explanation and that's okay. Equally, I'm going to practice receiving No when I hear it from others, and to say "Thank you" in my receiving of it. I invite you to do the same. 

Do you have trouble saying No? What do you want to say No to but think you can’t or are too shy to? How will you practice saying and receiving No? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you!

Practice >> Find a space where you can be alone and practice saying No about the things you want to say No to. How does it feel when you say it out loud? How do you feel in your body when you say No? How do you want to feel in your body when you say No?

Imagine asking someone for something and them saying No to you. How does it feel to hear No? How would you like to receive their No?

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

Unapologetically Childfree & The Taboo Of Women Who Don't Like Children

You know when you’re a little kid and the sight of a baby gets you excited and the whole world stops? Yeah, me neither. I never had that experience growing up and I don’t have it as an adult. While my childhood friends would melt all over babies, raving about their cuteness and excited to babysit these little aliens, I was running far far away from anything goo goo ga ga. I wanted nothing to do with babies. Yes, I did play with baby dolls as a little kid, but the real babies freaked me out. They were All. Too. Real. And that reality never peaked my interest.

As I grew into an adult, I found myself still allergic to babies and children in general. I never wanted children. Like ever. And I still don’t. I’ll spare you ALL of my endless reasons of why I don’t want children, but the top two are that I’ve never had that “innate” desire, and I’ve never liked children in general. A lot of childfree women talk about not wanting children but reassure the world that it’s not because they don’t like children. No, no, it has nothing to do with that. And I believe them. But, emphasizing that their desire to not have children doesn’t have anything to do with their liking of children perpetuates the stigma and taboo of women who don’t actually like children.

It’s not okay for women to not like children in society. Because, well, it’s a woman’s role in life to bear and raise children, right? Isn’t that how “God” made her? There’s the dominant belief that all women love children, that it’s an innate part of “womanhood.” Our beliefs about women needing to like children, whether they want to have them or not, are bound in our essentialist beliefs of who a woman is and what her role in society entails.

There’s a part of me that wants you to know, but, there are some children I like and adore, but this defense perpetuates the whole don’t worry, I’m not a bad person. No, really, there are some children that I actually do like! Women are thought of as “bad” humans if they express a disinterest in children and I want to help deconstruct this myth and end the stigma around it. Honestly, I’ve never felt “bad” deep down about my disinterest in children, but it does, sometimes, arise when I reveal that disinterest to strangers. Maybe it’s because of the raised eyebrows or blank stares I receive when I express that part of me. Thankfully, I haven’t received more than facial expressions reflecting confusion, but I think that’s because people are stunned that a woman would have zero interest in a child or a baby. This stems from the unconscious beliefs we have about women and what defines a “good” woman.

Women who don’t like children have been portrayed as “bad” witches who bake children in the oven. This is, also, problematic because witches are misunderstood and see as “bad,” but a big part of what makes them “bad” is their dislike of children. These stories of the “bad witch” get passed down from generation to generation sending us messages that women who dislike children are “bad” people.

These essentialist beliefs are deeply ingrained in us, and even women perpetuate them with other women in everyday life. This essentialism gets perpetuated daily when we make the  assumption that women want to have children or even like children. Friends and strangers assume that I will “naturally” find pleasure in their children, especially their babies. But, I don’t. And I don’t show a false me in order to please someone else. I don’t find babies fascinating or cute. While there are exceptions, I generally do not want to spend much time around children. Society tries to tell women like me that there is something wrong with us because we don’t want or like children, but there is nothing wrong with us. Being a “woman” does not automatically equate to reproducing babies, being a parent, or possessing a “natural” desire for or draw towards children. These beliefs operate within the straight, gender binary system and dismiss queer narratives.

We tend to assume that women are the only ones that can reproduce when, in actuality, plenty of cisgendered women are not able to reproduce and many trans and non-binary gendered persons can reproduce, thus challenging our essentialist beliefs about women and “womanhood.”  I love that society is moving towards embracing more than two genders more and more. This means that the expectation of childfree women to have or want children will be less and less. I imagine a world where women are not expected to like or have children, where they don’t get asked “when do you want to start a family?,” where strangers stop showing off their babies to me in public assuming that I will find joy in it, and where non-binary and trans persons are acknowledged as being able to produce children. We can begin by dropping our essentialist ideas about women and gender, and respect everyone’s choice to be or not be childfree. We can also respect that babies and children are not every woman’s cup of tea, and that assuming so connects back to our unconscious essentialist beliefs about women.

Can you relate? Does this resonate with you? Are you an unapologetic childfree woman? Do you unapologetically dislike children/babies? I’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to comment below and share your voice.

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 

Why I Changed My Name

It seems that almost every time I tell someone I changed my name, the person I tell reveals to me that they never liked their given name or felt like it fit them, which is why I'm writing this post. I'm also writing this post in order to challenge the patriarchal line, which conditions us to take a man's last name (whether it's our father's or our husband's). In my latest interview with Diane Twineheart, Diane shared that she and her husband created their own last name together as a way to detach from that patriarchal line. I believe that more and more, people are realizing that the name given to them at birth does not fit them in some way, and are creating their own names for themselves. If you are one of those people who never liked your given name or felt like it fit you, then this story is for you!

It is important to have a name that feels good to you because your name is what people call you. If every time someone calls your name and you wonder who is that? (like I did), then it's probably a sign that you need to find a name that fits you. I'm of the belief that we should choose our names. For some people, their given name suits them just fine and that's great, but I believe we should be encouraged and supported to choose our own. 

My Story

I never liked my given first and last names and didn't feel like they fit me. Growing up, I was always playing around with other names; it was one of my favorite things to do. When I hung out with my friends, I wanted us to pick different names to call each other that day, which they were always game for. But, I would become like a drill sergeant when my friends would forget and call me by my birth name. I may have taken it a little too seriously during play times, but that seriousness stemmed from desperately craving a different name. I knew my birth name wasn't for me and I was destined to change it!

When I was around ten years old, I decided that I wanted to be called, Sam. I told my parents to call me Sam, and they laughed at me and refused. But, when I told one of my best friends and her family to call me Sam, they happily affirmed my new name. A friend in art class at school started calling me Sam too. Admittedly, I was too shy to ask my teachers and other friends to call me Sam because I feared that they wouldn't take me seriously. Eventually, I lost interest in the name Sam and dropped it, but I knew that I would change my name someday to something more permanent. When I was twenty years old, I knew it was time. I felt the strong pull to find a new name. 

Telling My Friends And Family

When I thought about what name I would choose, for some reason, I thought that I couldn't have my favorite name. Then, I realized that was silly and asked myself if I could have been born with any name, what would it have been? The answer was obvious: my favorite name! Cameron had been my favorite name for as long as I could remember. Androgynous names always appealed to me, plus it was short and sweet, unlike my birth name. So, it was final, my name was Cameron! 

Telling friends and family about my new name and insisting that they get it right was the hardest part. My family still hasn't completely come around to accepting my new name and I'm okay with that. There might be a day when I'm not, but I've realized that I'm okay with that for now. Choosing my own name is a personal, almost sacred, decision, and it's one that is in opposition to my parent's decision. I am actively rejecting the name they gave me at birth, and that's hard for them. I believe that parents should have less attachment to their children's names because I believe that only YOU can truly choose and know what you want to be called. It might be practical for a parent to choose their child's name at birth, but having an openness to their child changing it down the road is important. 

Being patient with friends in the beginning to call me Cameron was necessary, but there came a point when it was no longer acceptable. That line is different for everyone, and I encourage each person to find their boundary and stick to it!

I Wanted My Name To Choose Me But It Didn't

As a feminist, taking the name of the paternal line has never sat well with me. Of course, I didn't realize this until I gained a feminists consciousness, but I never liked my last name either. It was long, unusual and sounded harsh. Unusual, I like, but this one had all the wrong letters strung together for my taste. Creating my own last name was just as important as creating my own first name though it took me a lot longer to discover a last name that I would actually want. 

I always thought my new last name would come to me in a dream or while I was meditating, but years went by, and nothing ever struck. I reached a breaking point where I needed to change my last name ASAP! The name was not going to come to me, I needed to be active in choosing it. I do believe that names, sometimes, do appear to us in dreams, meditations, or a moment of an epiphany, but it was clear that mine was not doing that. My new last name had been there all along, I just had noticed it yet. 

I thought about and researched various last names and became uninterested fast. I didn't want a "last name" last name. I had always liked first names as last names, so I decided that I would have a first name be my last name. I dug through all of my favorite first names in my mind (there weren't many) and Aaron/Erin popped out at me, but I didn't know how I would spell it. So, I decided to create my own spelling of it with Airen. Of course, I didn't make the name up; Airen has existed as a name with a few different origins and meanings. One origin of it is a Hebrew name for a boy meaning "mountain of strength." Another is the Chinese origin meaning someone you love. And in Spain, Airen is a white grape that's often used for winemaking. All good meanings, I thought, so it was official; Airen was my new last name! 

I fell in love with Airen as much as I did with Cameron. And because they are both "first" names, I can use them interchangeably. Sometimes, I refer to myself as Airen as a first name. This is the beautiful thing about names, we can change them! We can change them to what feels good to us, to a meaning that resonates with us better, and we can spell them in a way that suits our pleasure. 

Undoing The Patriarchal Line

The more I gained a feminist perspective, the more important changing my last name became for me. I wanted to break free from the patriarchal line. Names are important because they help define our culture and society. If we want to create real social change, we have to question and think about the language we use. We, also, need to think about how we're complicent in the patriarchy-in what ways do we perpetuate it? It can be incredibly uncomfortable to face these ways and create something entirely new and different from what we've always known, but if we want real, sustainable change, then we must examine these aspects. With that said, I'm not necessarily suggesting that every feminist change their last name if it upholds a patriarchal line; that's a decision that each feminist has to make for themselves. But, I am encouraging us to question, examine, and become more aware of the choices we make because then we know that we're making a conscious decision and one that we want. I do believe that feminism is here to support your right to choose what you want and what feels good to you even if it's not what another feminist wants. 

So, what about you? Has your given name been at odds with who you are? Is it a gender thing? Is it a patriarchal thing? Or just a strong dislike and a feeling of "this isn't right for me"? Or all of the above? Share with me in the comments section your story around your name! I'd love to hear it. 

XO Cam

P.S. Did you like this post? I think you'll like my FREE guide that I created for you to Getting Free From These 7 Patriarchal Beliefs. You can grab it by clicking below. 



The Best Feminist Moments of the Rio Olympics

The Best Feminist Moments of the Rio Olympics

The Rio Olympics was an exciting one for women full of feminist moments. Unfortunately, there were plenty of anti-feminist moments where sexism was perpetuated and women's gender were being policed. But, women kicked ass, made history, and were just plain awesome! In case you missed any of the Olympic coverage, here's a recap of my favorite feminist moments.

Read More